We Decided Against IVF

Hi, it’s me. I know. It’s been awhile.

I’ve needed time to digest, decompress, and plan. If you’ve been through this process, you can relate. I’ve been unbelievably frustrated with the fertility process. My endometriosis symptoms were coming back. I felt that going through another round of IUI would be unproductive, and a complete waste of time and money. My body didn’t feel like it could go through anymore. All of this culminated to me making the decision to reach back out to my second endo surgeon for a consult.

After a 2+ hour drive out of state, I felt comforted that I didn’t really need to hash through my full medical history. Meeting with my previous surgeon meant that I just needed to get him up to speed on the past couple of years. He said what I needed to hear, but what I knew would be hard to hear.

“You need to go on the fast track to IVF.”

It was no surprise. Multiple years of infertility. Low AMH. Continued pain. There was no reassurance that only one round would work. It rarely ever does. The reality was that it would take several rounds, living out of state to be close to the clinic during treatment, and well… more money than I would even want to consider. I left my consult with a stack of paperwork, bloodwork to set-up baseline tracking, and a one-pager with a cost estimate. I broke down in my car just trying to process all of the information. I somehow had already predicted what the recommended path forward would be, but I was hoping for something else.

I initially came in with the goal of getting advice on how to move forward in our fertility journey. The conversation pivoted when I mentioned the continual pain I was facing. There were more bad days than good. Based on how I was feeling, I knew that my body wouldn’t be ready to start a round of IVF.

Let’s get you down to Boston for a 3D pelvic ultrasound.

Another full day off, but this time I wasn't going solo with my husband and pups joining me on the trip. The ultrasound office was professional. I was in and out of there in a half hour. I spent more time traveling back and forth than the appointment itself. Two sets of eyes took a look at the images in real-time sharing with me both good and bad news.

We don’t see any recurring endometriosis. Your surgeon did a beautiful job.

We all know that endometriosis can spread to other areas not shown in this ultrasound. Imaging doesn't always tell the full story. No endo was a good sign, but I left with more questions than answers. Where was my pain coming from? I don’t understand.

They probably think I’m crazy.

My nurse called me a few days later to discuss the findings. My bloodwork was promising. Imaging didn’t show any endo. What I haven’t shared was that after my consult, my husband and I discussed the pros and cons of every option. The physical complications, the time and money involved, and the “what-ifs” if we never have children. Going through this process, I surprised myself in how quickly I was able to decide. More importantly, my husband and I were in the same page.

We’ve decided to not move forward with IVF.

This is what I reported back to my nurse a few days after my initial consult. The decision was made irrespective of the results of my ultrasound. I didn’t want to go through multiple rounds of IVF. My body was tired. And I didn’t want to go through the mental anguish of it not working. The decision to say no to the process brought reassurance and comfort. If it wasn’t going to happen, then we’d be okay with living a fulfilled life without children. We bounced the idea of adoption back and forth and for some reason, that concept seemed to be more digestible than going through multiple rounds of (potentially) unsuccessful IVF.

I was prescribed progestin-only birth control to see if this would help with my pain. Two weeks in, I felt incredibly sick. My symptoms seemed to be exacerbated by the pill. I immediately took myself off the pill and called my clinic to notify them. I asked again if there was any other option for me. We previously tried to submit a pre-authorization approval for a new drug called Myfembree. After submitting 2 rounds of medical records, I was denied each time. If the pill wasn’t working and I was denied for this new drug, I felt hopeless. What now? Do I just have to deal with it?

And then I got the call.

My clinic resubmitted my records to see if I would now be pre-authorized for Myfembree with my recent reaction to birth control. Just hours later I received an automated call saying that I was pre-approved for Myfembree. I was shocked, relieved, and full of gratitude. I wouldn’t be able to afford this medication with a cost estimate of over $1k/month. The fact that it was approved by insurance was the best and most unexpected news.

Although Myfembree is a relatively new drug and only approved to be used for 2 years because of a risk in irreversible bone loss, I’m willing to give it a shot. I’ve been advised to stop taking it if I do get pregnant. Unlike birth control, Myfembree doesn’t prevent pregnancy so there’s always a chance. Their financial assistance program lowers the deductible cost significantly for the first year and so, the affordability piece has brought piece of mind as well.

As I await for my prescription to be filled, I am cautiously optimistic. My mind is at ease with making a decision. I've let that decision sit with me for the past 2 months. Sometimes the best approach is flipping a coin, making a decision, and then seeing how your gut feeling is after making that decision. With the summer months and warmer weather here, I’ve been keeping busy outside with gardening and landscaping projects on our 5 acre property. Sun, warmth, and fresh air does the soul some good. I’ve been waking up earlier and following weekly workout routines from Nourish Move Love. I’ve started taking Happy V prebiotics + probiotics daily.

I’ve been taking time to soak up the wildflowers.

Staying in a state of limbo is likely one of the hardest things especially going through your fertility journey. Making a decision - no matter what that decision is - can be mentally grueling. All this time I’ve been looking at innovative ways to help increase the fertility odds, but perhaps I was looking through the wrong door. Although I continue to keep my eyes on the latest developments to help women conceive, IVF just wasn’t the right path for us. Maybe there’s a solution out there that another founder is working on. Maybe there’s something else that will be better suited for us based on how we feel about this journey. Instead of living in the maybe, I’m living in the now.

Working through my physical and mental well-being is a first step, and I thank you all for continuing to follow my journey.

Sunny side bump,

Olivia